Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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