haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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