Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
