I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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