is your mom at the bar?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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