my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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