needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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