3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
