We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
