He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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