u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
