I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
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Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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