I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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