She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm like, not good at living.
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