god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
