Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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