did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
