So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
