the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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