Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We have started to decorate penises.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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