That's intense
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize