puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize