Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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