No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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