i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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