he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
