That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
