I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
