why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My vagina just recognized that song.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
