oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Its about making memories worth repressing
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
