Umm I'm too high to move.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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