So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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