It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
