You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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