he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
