So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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