I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
