Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
