So drunk its hurt
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think my mom watched the whole time
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
