I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
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