i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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