Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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