I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
