Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
