I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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