I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
