what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
