I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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