How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
