She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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