she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
