he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
