My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
