I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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