I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.