he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.