Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck. http://tfl.nu/ybk3
  Replies (61) Good night (3956) Bad night (1190)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me." http://tfl.nu/vao0
  Replies (16) Good night (3251) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  ID DO HER

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): ID DO HER (1-904): SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK http://tfl.nu/y38s
  Replies (17) Good night (711) Bad night (6687)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing? http://tfl.nu/nzdd
  Replies (7) Good night (8604) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (13373) Bad night (1302)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that. http://tfl.nu/gvw5
  Replies (8) Good night (2004) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go" http://tfl.nu/uvr2
  Replies (3) Good night (3273) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I just Tebowed the shit out of her. (336): Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb. http://tfl.nu/wxei
  Replies (10) Good night (2180) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift http://tfl.nu/uiqc
  Replies (3) Good night (839) Bad night (1198)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake http://tfl.nu/dh07
  Replies (3) Good night (1154) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off. http://tfl.nu/m48w
  Replies (7) Good night (2568) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/unpl
  Replies (4) Good night (804) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won.. http://tfl.nu/18ev
  Replies (4) Good night (972) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume. http://tfl.nu/sl1w
  Replies (1) Good night (515) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned. http://tfl.nu/urtx
  Replies (0) Good night (388) Bad night (178)

Randomize