How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
