and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
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i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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