Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
