My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
