I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
