I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
