I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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