I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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