Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
