i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?