Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?