i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza