Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
