your parents love me but you hate me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
