he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
